The Work Works on Us

This week I had the privilege to spend time with a cohort of students in the Psychotherapy and Spirituality Institute’s summer program on spiritually informed psychotherapy. They were a beautiful group of thoughtful, spiritually grounded healers, including practitioners and clergy. I wish I could have spent more time with them!

Teaching is a beautiful thing because you learn so much – about the material and, most importantly, about yourself.

You know that feeling when you say something out loud and then stop to think, hey that came out really well! I had a moment like that, and the sentence has stuck with me. It went something like, “The work that Allah (God) has allowed me to do provides me the gift of growth to be better at the job I was blessed to do.” In a less circular way, “The work works on us.”

Sometimes these periods of growth are intense and stretch our capacities. These invitations inwards have allowed me to face things in myself that I only had the courage to face because I have a deep awareness that doing so would benefit those around me. (Yes, the classic helper thing 😉 to do it for others and not yourself.)

These past few months have called me to explore some of the deepest heart-caverns yet. I have even felt a sensation in my heart that felt like stretching.

In the expanded heart-space this process has created, I’ve found myself more settled in my skin and more confident to hold space for myself and others.

Not to say I haven’t been agitated. Oh, I’ve been agitated.

A few decades ago, the agitation would have shifted to anger, irritation, and harsh judgement; a few years ago, it would have shifted to overwhelm and shutdown; a few weeks ago, I would have just separated myself from the agitation in a form of intellectual dissociation.

Last week, I was surprised to find that though my emotions were swirling around with the same passion, I also felt grounded. The image that comes to mind is being both the rock tumbler and the rocks inside it. I felt the bouncing and crashing inside, maybe even vibrated a little with the motion, but I was also holding the experience in a safe, contained space. This is a result of the work working on me – and in the midst of that state of agitation, I knew deep inside that a polishing was happening.

The fact that I could hold onto that reality, to be with and watch the process, while also trusting that the outcome would lead to a better version of me, THAT was something that teen me would never have been able to imagine.

The gift that life has helped me see and that I wish to share with others: The work is out there, sure, but it starts and continues (and continues) in here.